Catholic commentary on culture, media, and politics.

Monday, August 22, 2005

If I were dictator, cont'd

If I were dictator, here are some of the things I would outlaw immediately (feel free to chime in with your own verbotens):

* When you disagree with someone, you have to say "I disagree" or similar words, in all charity and politeness, of course. You are not permitted to say, "I hear you," out of fear of appearing rigid, narrow-minded and dogmatic.

* It is no longer permitted to say, "is all," at the end of sentences. So: "I was just waiting for my friend Bob, that's all."

* News stories are no longer permitted to pretend to neutrality or objectivity. Stories critical of the government or the Church will remain perfectly legal and protected, of course, but you can't write a news story about Pope Benedict XVI and then stick on a snotty reference at the end about"his ban on birth control" or "his rigid reputation" as the "Enforcer/Rottweiler/Panzer Kardinal" or "Vatican crackdown," etc. In other words, hating the guts of a public figure or institution representing conservative values is fine; faking that you don't is not.

* Note to Bill O'Reilly: No more triumphantly proclaiming "what Jesus would do." Jesus is God. We don't know what He would do. The claim is usually made to justify a liberal or permissive course of action. (The WWJD fad is very well-meant, but kind of misleading. I know I've just flayed a sacred cow alive.)

4 Comments:

Blogger A. Carlton Sallet said...

You forgot the required reference to his "Nazi past". Not a single article has appeared in our papers without some passing reference to his days in the Hitler youth, or the army or something.

5:55 PM

 
Blogger Patrick said...

What Carlton said. Exactly right.

7:07 PM

 
Anonymous Christene said...

If I were a dictator (cont.)..

Patrick would be forever banned from reading “The Drudge Report”.

Patrick would no longer be allowed to post rhetoric regarding matters that do not affect him directly or indirectly. Such as, other people’s opinions.

If I were a dictator everything would always be about Patrick, so that way when I read his ramblings I would understand and not be frustrated.

6:54 PM

 
Blogger Patrick said...

Hey Christene:

Everything would be about moi if you became dictator? I like the way you think! Although in some ways I'd miss reading Drudge, you can count on my vote.

9:52 PM

 

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