Ponder without fear, like the Bible says
All things being equal, and not taking into account drastic climatic shifts or increases in forest predators, how much wood -- in kilograms, now -- could a woodchuck chuck if said beast could chuck wood?
Also, if there's any way to gracefully segue from the following awkward social faux pas, I want to hear it. You meet someone for the first time, and after the preliminary introductions, they say, "How's it going?" and you reply incorrectly with, "Nice to meet you, too," or some similar non sequitur. You feel like a moron, but making light of it only adds another layer of awkwardness, not to mention crushing obviousness.
Or how about this? As you know, if you're Catholic, dear Seize the Dei reader, holding hands during the Our Father has, unfortunately, become de rigeur in many parishes nowadays. It's all so "meaningful" and "community-building" and "stranger welcoming" and "pastorally fitting." And about as spontaneous as preparing your tax returns. My question: what is the best way to perform that little squeezie-poo of the joined hands that we all do at the end of the "for thine is the Kingdom" part? If you squeeze too hard, you send a "let go of my hand already" message to your brother or sister. If you continue the exact same hand pressure, you might seem clingy or something more creepy. At present I simply opt out of the whole ritual by bowing my head, hermetically sealing my eyes shut, and clasping my hands together in that famous Serenity Prayer pose. (Confession: I'm not above pretending not to understand English, or making like I'm deaf, just to get out of it. If this is wrong, I don't want to be right.)
And while I'm at it, what's with that automatic Rite Of the Raising Of the Arms thing at the very end of the prayer, anyway?
I'll bet Catholics and lemmings share a lot of DNA.