Quick - someone call Cardinal Mahoney

This man's problem has a simple solution: All the poor man needs is the chance to hear your standard homily by the Cardinal of the West.

Any theme'll do: social justice, welcoming illegal aliens like Jesus did; the crappy treatment of women by the Church; zero tolerance for any bishop anywhere, anytime, who'd shuffle known perverts around; how to don teflon vestments; the dignity of GLBT persons, etc., etc.

Relief would come in under ten minutes.