Catholic commentary on culture, media, and politics.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Dear President Bush...

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements.

I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your guy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

14. One more thing: I'll be needing the English lyrics to the Mexican national anthem.

I know this is an easy request given your policies of hospitality. And I'm sure that President Fox won't mind returning the favor, if you ask him nicely.

Hat tip to Bill Galvan.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Joe said...

Does this mean you won't be at the protest today?

10:46 AM

 
Blogger Patrick said...

lol. I'll be there in spirit, protesting the protest.

11:44 AM

 
Blogger Patrick said...

The rally was actually read from our pulpit on Sunday -- the first Sudnay our pastor asked us all to stand during the whole eucharistic prayer.

Inscrutable.

Heavy sigh.

11:45 AM

 
Anonymous Joe said...

He asked you to stand during the consecration?
I don't think I could do that.

12:13 PM

 
Anonymous midwestmom said...

I just turned on CNN to see how the protests were progressing. People are coming in droves in Chicago. There were flags of all sorts of nations being waved by the folks and then a young man walked by and his sign said....you guessed it!...."Bush Suck's", complete with the unnecessary apostraphe.

12:45 PM

 
Anonymous Joe said...

I saw some protestors with the infamous picture of Che Guevara on their placards.

1:00 PM

 
Blogger Patrick said...

MWM: Typical! Viva Ingles.

Joe: Good old murderous bastard Che.

3:07 PM

 

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