Uh oh.

Stephen Harper's Conservative Party gave Paul Martin's Liberal regime the heave-ho yesterday, the first big Liberal loss in 12 years. It was a sound enough thrashing although not quite enough to garner a majority government. Hope springs eternal.

As rabid CBC fans know, this is actually very bad news. Every guest on the Michael Enright Show knows that George W. Bush fixed this election to secure Haliburton profits for his cronies. But did you also know:

* At Prime Minister Harper's swearing in, President Bush will be there in the background, smirking up a storm because he knows he's now the de facto leader of Canada.

* Mr. Harper is at press time being simultaneously fitted for jack boots and marionette string holes to be connected to the White House. He has reportedly chosen a Pinocchio-as-Mountie design theme.

* Doctors at Toronto General Hospital confirmed this morning that Mr. Harper's gonads have been removed bya physician named Dr. Karl Rove-Mengele.

* Disguised as curlers looking for a bonspiel, US troop formations have begun outside Canadian cities. Be very afraid.

* Museum statues of Mussolini and der Fuhrer are being dusted off for permanent (well, for a thousand years) display in front of Parliament.

* Henry Morgentaler has just been escorted into a safe, legal and rare torture chamber.

Oh yeah, remember that Conservative candidate, Vincent Veerasuntharam, who recently bullied a journalist and his family on the steps of a church?

He got his arse handed to him by pro-life Liberal incumbent Tom Wappel. As predicted by Seize the Dei.