Things I don't get

I wish my book writing wasn't sucking up so much of my bandwidth. I'll try and do better! Really! Don't take away my popsicle! I'll try harder!

Does anyone feel like a total moron about some news stories as I do? It's almost like I hear only 46.3% of the facts of the story even though I'm bombarded by the coverage day in and day out. Take the Valerie Plame thingie. Here's a summary of what I know: This lady Valerie Plame is married to an ambassador guy named Joseph Wilson. He was sent by Dick Cheney to Niger (very deliberately pronounced Najherr so no racial epithets are implied) to investigate something about Saddam's interest in yellow cake, apparently his favorite dessert. Said cake was proven to have nothing to do with Iraq building a nuke (well, duh), and then journalist Robert Novak said something to someone about Valerie Plame working at the CIA. But Novak zipped his lip and wouldn't reveal his leak source, yet he didn't go to jail unlike Judith Miller of the New York Times, who did some time for, uh, failing to reveal her source (unless it was for unethically revealing him -- one of those.)

Anyway, Joseph Wilson wrote an essay in the Wall Street Journal that called the Bush Administration a bunch of bad things. The leak about his wife was seen by many as payback for Wilson's politically motivated temerity re: venting to the WSJ. Turns out she was just a secretary at the CIA, not exactly Jane Bond 007 or anything, so I'm confused about why the fit hit this particular shan. But a dough-faced prosecutor named Patrick Fitzgerald got into the action by calling a bunch of witness for a grand jury inquiry into all this, and it looked like Karl Rove really was the prince of darkness for his role in, you know, helping make Scooter Libby the lying crook that he, you know, is. I think. Dick Cheney ended up shooting Libby in the leg so he could show up to the trial on crutches to gain the jury's sympathy. Didn't work, and now Scooter is stamping license plates with Judith in the big house.

All I know is, that couple sure likes to pose for magazine covers looking all noble and scorned and victimized. And Valerie, what's with those Jackie Onassis glasses?

How about the latest Alberto Gonzalez kerfuffle? I am lost on that one, too. Seems Mr. Gonzalez fired eight federal attorneys without cause. Or he fired them without telling President Bush. Or he followed orders from Bush to fire them, but he fired the wrong guys. Or he should have fired them earlier. Or something. At the very least, I mean, he should have been a LOT nicer about it.

Generally, any media story with the suffix "gate" attached to it loses me from the get go.