Questions cheerfully answered

Com box maven Shawne asks about the issue of finding the Blessed Mother on a Lays chip, or the window of a Hilton during the off season, and how it all relates to my faith.

Answer: not a whit.

I think all of 'em -- no exception -- are BS. Some people seem to crave "signs" and extraordinary, quasi-mystical messages to bolster their faith. If some souls somehow benefit from thinking Mary has deemed a Frito Lay worthy to emboss her own image, then great.

As a Catholic, I already have The Best: God's word in Scripture, in sacred Tradition. I have Jesus in the Eucharist; I have the riches of the sacramental life; and I have really cool books on card magic.

I'm set.

Kudos to you , dear reader(s?)

I want to thank anyone and everyone who gave me their vote in the Blog Award race. Considering the hundreds of worthy (and worthier) blogs, I do consider it an honor to be nominated.

Even though I humiliated myself by being ground into the dirt by more humorous bloggers and everything.

Vatican momentarily eschews dhimmitude

In a rare display of Vaticanista spine, certain members of the Holy See have risked putting themselves on Al Qaeda's to-do list.

Last chance to grant unto me thy vote

Today is the last day to vote for Seize the Dei in the Most Humorous Blog 2006 category.

Just sayin'.

And remember, since the magisterium has never issued a document specifically condemning blog award voter fraud, you can help me rig this thing in my favour. Hack into the system, double vote, intimidate Jeff Miller, whatever it takes.

For what is in doubt is permissible.

I asked a Jesuit.

When will they ever learn?

The MSM remains drunk, asleep, and stupid when it comes to covering abortion.

This story about the Supreme Court taking up a case about partial birth abortion is typical in what it omits and what it gets wrong.

The euphemism "a type of late-term abortion" avoids the brute fact of what partial-birth abortion really is.

Which is this.

Why not just sell Manhattan to Al Qaeda?

This looks bad. Real bad.

We don't have all the details of the acquisition, nor what legal optons are available, but Jimmy Carter's big fat endorsement is not a good sign.

There is something unsettling about the secrecy behind this. Of course, the press is going to connect it to the weird secrecy at work in Cheney waiting two days before telling his boss he shot someone in the face.


Watch for a widening split in the GOP over this.

Your vote = pure gold

It's, like, sooo tacky to keep dropping hints to vote for me (2006 Most Humorous Blog) right over here.

I have my pride. I would never, ever do that once the voting closes (cough cough).

It's just that I'm so close to crushing the Curt Jester!

Quick - someone call Cardinal Mahoney

This man's problem has a simple solution: All the poor man needs is the chance to hear your standard homily by the Cardinal of the West.

Any theme'll do: social justice, welcoming illegal aliens like Jesus did; the crappy treatment of women by the Church; zero tolerance for any bishop anywhere, anytime, who'd shuffle known perverts around; how to don teflon vestments; the dignity of GLBT persons, etc., etc.

Relief would come in under ten minutes.

The amazing invisible Shroud of Turin

Count on Bill Donahue for a snappy quote about NBC's obedience to Thou Shalt Not Sully Thy Olympics Coverage With Any Mention of the Shroud of Turin:

"If you asked the average American to name something about Turin, Italy, they'd name the Shroud," Donohue said. "It's like having the Olympics in Fort Knox and not mentioning gold."

I agree. And part of me suspects we have our peaceful, cartoon-loving Islamo-brethren to blame as they've made the MSM totally paranoid about any references to religion.

Can't risk a fatwa from the Vatican, eh.

Shock! Man whore returns to the biz

The Democrats sure know how to inspire 'em to run for public office.

Former Dallas community theatre actor and Mary Kay salesman Tom Malin (cough cough gay man cough) is running for a seat in the Texas House. It seems his past job as a male prostitute might even serve as a plus.

In fact, he's unsure whether working as a man whore billed as Todd Sharpe was such a bad thing.

"I've made mistakes in my life, and I've stood before my creator and I've accepted responsibility for my behavior," Malin told The Dallas Morning News today.

But he's quick to add: "I don't regret my past, nor do I wish to shut the door on my past."

Denmark to rename Middle Eastern food

In a move destined to cause a firestorm of violent Muslim protest, Denmark shopkeepers have changed the official name of certain foods.

Hummus will now be known as "Childish Tantrum Dip."

Couscous will now be sold as "Baby Camel Droppings."

Falafel will now be enjoyed as "Balls Of the Enraged Sheik."

W. is dust, now, boy

Well, the end is high for President George W. Bush. He's gotten away with causing Hurricane Katrina, personally turning up the global thermostat, and torturing whippets in front of their young owners.

But now, it's finally hitting the fan: In a devastating blow to the President, has-been celebrity Richard Dreyfuss is calling for his impeachment.

Because some causes are worth getting his name in the press again.

Goat. Hazing ritual. Uh oh.

Sure, kid, no one was really going to have sex with that goat. Naw, just get to third base with it.

It was only a frat prank, officer. Besides -- see? -- it's an ugly goat.

Racial double standard

Gee, d'ya think there would be any media reaction if, say, Bernard Goldberg had casually dropped the following barb into his commentary on the US Olympic Team?

So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of whites that makes the Winter Games look like a Democrat convention.

But if you switch white to black and GOP to Democrat, you get what Maroon-In-Residence Bryant Gumbel said the other day on HBO's Real Sports.

We're pretty much desensitized to the MSM's double standard and its elastic measure of what is incorrect thought.

Voter fraud: always wrong, in all cases?

I've faced it. I can't win up against the comedically formidable Curt Jester. And I can't change which category I've been nominated in (I may have had a shot if I was in Best New Blog or Best Blog By a Canadian Living in North L.A. County)

What I can do is urge you to consider voter fraud, o my droogies. Just tell three of your friends (instructing them to tell three more) and just start pounding out the votes. Become a Seize the Dei voter monkey.

Many Catholic moral thinkers, none of whom have ever been rebuked by a bishop (Richard Gula, Philip Keane, et al), say that your conscience is the supreme norm for morality, that you must consider consequences -- in addition to, you know, vague churchy rules and stuff -- when deciding to act. If the ends are good, baby, how can the means be wrong?

The sad irony is, I never started Seize the Dei to be "funny" per se. So I'm just not equipped to outlaff those blogs devoted to being humorous (at which most succeed very well)

But with your help -- your pledge to boldly cheat to help a total stranger who can't ever compensate or thank you properly -- I will win this thing.

Bush impersonator nails him

I have no idea who this guy is, but his President Bush act is brilliant.

Notice how he not only gets W's looks and voice right, but also the tiny, subtle details of manner and delivery. The hilarity transcends politics, although I'm sure some touchy conservatives will object.

Ruckus? Ya think?

Let's see here.

A documentary produced by a gay Jew about the lives of gay Muslims titled, "In the Name of Allah" -- cause a ruckus?

Come come. Islam can easily take it in stride.

Unless, that is, the documentary is a cartoon.

The Blog Awards cometh

Now I know how Sally Fields felt! Turns out, Seize the Dei has been nominated for Most Humorous Blog at the 2006 Catholic Blog Awardzapalooza.

Listen, my three loyal readers, I understand voting starts tomorrow. And with your help, I vow to crush my foes and goose-step resolutely onto the dais like Mussolini after a huge bowl of pasta.

As charity requires.

Go Batman!

I love this kind of melding of two worlds. Only in America.

Bareback Mounthim review: sounds about right

No, I have not seen the movie in which Heath Ledger gives a spectacularly sensitive performance for the ages, but this review dovetails with everything else I've heard from people (normal people, not Hollywood apparatchik rubberstampers) who have seen it: Dull; plodding; and interspersed with shots of lovely mountains and Very Beautiful and Honest Gay Sex [TM].

The reviewer says interesting things about the movie's depiction of marriage and family life.

Could never've guessed.

Please, no, please, I'm begging

Dear God:

At this time, please don't let Michael "but a jury found him innocent" Jackson sing anything even remoted related to the Catholic Church.

Amen.

Muslim priorities: straight as always

There are a (very) few exceptions, but have you been paying attenton to the Muslim reaction to certain events?

Murdering school kids and women in the name of Islam? Not so bad.

Islamist bombing of discos and fruit markets? Whatever.

Flying 767s into tall buildings? Had it coming, probably.

Slitting the throats of unarmed journalists, while shouting, "Allahu Akhbar!" Yawn.

But facetious cartoons lampooning the violence frequently associated with the religion founded by Muhammad?

OUTRAGE! SCANDAL! SICKNESS! DEATH TO CARTOONISTS AND THE PAPERS THAT SUPPORT THEM!

Keep your eyes on this Olympic skiier

Rebecca Dussault is a lot of things: wife, mother, worldclass skiier, and spiritual sister of Blessed Pier Georgio Frassati.

Remember Rebecca in your prayers. She is trekking to the 2006 Olympics in Torino (aka Turin), the hometown of Bl. Frassati, the athletic "frat boy saint" beatified by Pope John Paul II.

Ski mask tip to Domenico Bettinelli who first introduced me -- and all of us -- to Pier Georgio at Franciscan University.

Jennifer Lopez loses it at Mexico concert

I guess not everyone can pull off that "dive into the crowd and let them carry you along" move.

Probably a career killer for J Lo.