These little quirks of mine

The incomparable Justine (see my blog roll) hath memed me and I shall meme others. Here are six quirks I call my own. And no one can take them away.

1. I have what I'm pretty sure is minor OCD. It appears as a slight "hitch" motion in my shoulder as I walk, mainly the left shoulder. Since my time began on earth, I have always felt that my shirt/pajamas/suit/sweaters are not quite fitting right and I have to keep adjusting. Never gets adjusted properly, which is ...why IT'S A DISORDER.

2. Very often (to the irritation of those near me) I will notice multiple resemblances in individual people I see in the street. As in, "What is Ronald Reagan and the guy who cleans our building doing here?" Or, "I didn't know Elmer Fudd and Uncle Rick were at this movie." Sometimes I'll see a three-fer: "Who knew that my ex-girlfriend and Sarah Brightman and Marisa Tomei ate at this restaurant?"

3. I have a have habit of asking absurd What If questions. What if the lector at Mass paused far too long after introducing the Reading and actually starting it, and meanwhile did a weird face -- just for a flash of a second -- would anyone notice? Would he be reprimanded by the pastor? Or what if I shouted "ecky thump!" while standing in the bank line up? (Just once -- and then remain silent as if I'd said nothing.) Or what if I slipped an obscenity into my answers while doing a telephone survey? That sorta thing.

4. I love fixing, repairing and/or beautifying clothing items passed the point where other mortals just buy another one. On any given day I'll be polishing shoes, cleaning and shining my watch, or my daughter's boots, or even cutlery that looks drab.

5. I can't read just one book at a time. I need at least three on the go: one for the W.C.; one for lunch break at work, and one for latenight reading. Maybe it's the ADHD hyperfocus part of my soul.

6. My vexation at gross grammatical errors leads me to correct others when I should probably consider chilling out. If we're talking and you say, "irregardless," or "sangwhich," or "for all intensive purposes" or "it's ironic" when you mean "coincidental," I am happy to be of help!

From my "stuff I hope is not true" bag

Please, no.

Ladies and gentlemen....Mikaeel Jackson!

So Michael Jackson has become a Muslim.

I'm thinking it's probably more Nation of Islam than mainstream Sunni or Shia.

He's go the whole womens' burka thing going already, a tradition he passed onto his kids. I wonder if he'll still be able to grab his crotch and squeal "eeeh hee!"

I thought the Mass *was* cosmic...

With a hat tip to loyal com box contributor PDP, I give you...

The Cosmic Mass, baby!

Magic Castle brushes with fame

Last night my wife and I had an evening at the sumptuous Magic Castle in Hollywood, a private club for magicians. It's the last social club in LA where a strict dress code still reins. Coat and tie for men, cocktail dress or elegant attire for women. I was invited through the good graces of Irene Larson, honorary president for life of the Academy of Magical Arts. Mrs. Larson apparently didn't hate the tricks I did for her and her daughter at Musso & Frank's Restaurant last week.

In addition to meeting and talking with the legendary magicians Johnny Thompson (there would be no Criss Angel, no Lance Burton, and no Penn & Teller but for the Great Tomsini) and Eugene Burger (Chicago's top magician and nationally known teacher of magic) we sat next to spritely (fellow Canadian) actress Neve Campbell in one of the small theatres in the Castle.

The whole night was a real treat and a half.

MPASS membership grows

Prostitute call girl hooker Escort Ashley Dupre, age 22, defends her job duties, seems unsure if she should have any regrets, and accidentally reveals she didn't know her high-end customer Eliot Spitzer was also her Governor.

I can't see her voting, but I wonder whom she wanted to be president?

Sad, sad.

Terri Schiavo, but with a better ending

Are you ready for a truth-is-stranger-than-fiction story ? It begins this way: beautiful girl overdoses on heroin while pregnant, stays in coma and gives birth to a healthy baby without waking up....

Lauren Richardson wept emotionally when her mother informed her of the settlement and the reconciliation of her parents.

This gave me goosebumps.

See, with balloons you get a low Mass and a high Mass

Loopy liturgists here in North America will be as pleased as orthodox Catholics will be appalled by the following:

Lifeteen Mass, European style?

Unless strongly repudiated, this event will be dragged out by AmChurch as Exhibit A of Vatican acceptance of all manner of liturgical nonsense over here.

My first impulse is to defend good Cardinal Schonborn, general editor of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, holy Dominican scholar and priest (with whom I had the good fortune of spending some time when he visited Steubenville). Was he blind-sided? Is that a credible explanation? The official spokeshole for the Austrian archdiocese attacks everything and everyone except the event itself and how it was staged, suggesting full knowledge.

I don't think you need to be a foaming traditionalist to be very disturbed by this. Reactions around the blogsphere among orthodox Catholics are not good. Liturgical abuse is not really too strong a term in this case: Prayer card balloons released during the Mass (what is it the balloon fetish?); wooden ciboria; St. Louis Jesuit-style ceramic chalices; tie-die vestments; obnoxious rock guitars jangling in the background; strobe lights; rave lasers; deep dish pizza-sized eucharistic bread (Great for falling crumbles! If that recipe is kosher with the rubrics, I'm the Easter bunny.)

Maybe this brand of infantilization of the divine liturgy is what helped made an atheist out of a former Lifeteen music leader I know....(With all deference to the good that some Lifeteen Masses have done, etc., ipso facto, yadda blah, and so on.)

Memo to CNN: your guy won, m'kay?

Here are some utterly objective graphologists (sic) and the always politically neutral CNN (neuuuuuuuuutral, I tell you!) demonstrating that they. Just. Can't. Leave. Sarah Palin. Alone.

"She's fantasizing about her win. It's me, check this box!"

"It looks confused and talky. Like she's talking too much."

"It looks like somebody who's in prison who would write, on like, their wall."

Did anyone notice that Palin's was more of a brainstorming sheet for her campaign for mayor? Obama's more careful drawing was signed like he wanted to sell it to The New Yorker.

Saintly priest, cowardly diocesan administrator?

Father Jay Scott Newman of South Carolina sounds like a very brave and humble priest. His higher-ups in the Diocese sound like craven wussies.

But I think what Father Newman wrote was wrong. No priest has magical apparatus enabling him to tell if a parishioner voted for Obama will full knowledge of his abortion views. Mortal sin requires at least that, along with full consent of the will. As co-founder of MPASS, the Most People Are Stupid Society, I can tell you that most people, let's face it, are stupid.

Is that uncharitable? Well, for a Catholic to vote for Barack Obama with knowledge of his extreme stance on abortion is either evil or stupid. Charity bids me say he is stupid.

For proof, go here.

Thumbs up for the humility and graciousness (and guts) of this man, Father Newman. Thumbs down for the obligatory wrist slap by this administrator for "dragging the Church into partisan politics" blah yadda.

Oh, dear.

The O-Team

Comedy gold, gilded with platinum conservativism.

This man needs his own TV show

Remember the name Alfonzo Rachel. I predict you'll be hearing a lot more about him in the future.

I am so down with the message. Rush Limbaugh, Larry Elder, watch yo backs!

Sean Penn: Best Actor Oscar, 2009

No. Doubt. About. It.

Just give it to him now before the film opens, already.

Gentle gays quietly explain their position

I don't know why they give themselves an icky name like Bash Back.

Jeesh; all they did was STORM INTO A CHURCH SERVICE AND START CHANTING SLOGANS AND THROWING AROUND FLYERS.

And Christians are the haters, eh?

Ever wonder why they don't do this inside Roman Catholic churches?

Can you imagine the media reaction if Christians pulled a stunt like this during, oh, I don't know, say a meeting of homosexual activists?

Why don't more gays protest ugly incivilities like this? To that degree, they're like Muslims who are mute in the face of their co-religionists' terrorists attacks.

Annoying phrases redux

The brainiacs at Oxford have given us a list of Most Annoying Phrases of 2008. (It appears in a new book Damp Squid: The English Language Laid Bare by Jeremy Butterfield.)

1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science

A lot of these are repeats. Here is my partial list. Gimme yours.


* Using impact as a verb. "How will this impact the group?"
* When you say, thank you" to a store clerk or waiter, and he or she grunts, "uh huh," instead of "you're welcome.
* My bad.
* No worries.
* No biggie.
* Don't go there (that's sooo 1997).
* Just sayin.'
* "In the tank for," as in, "the media is in the tank for Obama." (This one cropped up during the election marathon, as "gravitas" did in 2000 to describe what Dick Cheney brought to the Bush ticket.)
* Yadda yadda yadda. (Hasn't Seinfeld been off the air for a decade?)
* Saying "waiting on" when you mean, "waiting for."
* Literally when you mean figuratively. (This one has really got to go!)
* That said....
* At the end of the day...
* "Can't cut the mustard." (It's "can't pass muster," a military term about drill inspections.
* "Graduated high school," instead of graduated from high school.
* Out of pocket, meaning "not available."
* It's like/you know...
* You go, girl.
* You da man.
* Whassup?
* Dude as the first word in any sentence.
* Press one for English.

I have to stop there; getting a headache.

Evil woman justly silenced by peaceful, tolerant gay protesters

Watch as a dangerous agent of domination and brutality is gently shown the error of her ways.

My favorite part of this clip is at the end, with the anchorman's pathetic sign-off, "Quite honestly, there is anger on both sides."

Anger on both sides?

God in heaven.

Liberal bishop dislikes English words

Finally, the English-speaking Catholic world is getting a better liturgical translation. The usual suspect, the leader of the cult of so-called inclusive language is "staunchly opposed."

Hey, how are ordinary people supposed to know what staunchly means?

A thousandth of a picture is worth a word

President Careless Elect

Barack Obama is already exemplifying the maxim "a closed mouth gathers no feet" while signalling to his handlers his dire need to be reading from a TelepromTer at all times. All. Times.

This lightweight is supposed to be The One?

Nice of him to make Joe Biden fit in better. I wonder how he'll do in front of Iran's Mahmoud IWannaDinnerJacket.

God have mercy on this great country.

And what's with the oversized "Office of the President Elect" logo on the podium? Is it just me or is this whole appearance of already being the guy in charge a first in American politics?